lelemuthali

Day Three

Another day of no hiccups.

I think I’ve been doing meal-prep wrong because it simply isn’t working for me, and I’m convinced it should be. As a chronic planner, I enjoy the idea that I can prepare a variety of meals to be kept for up to five days, and I’m determined to make it work.

In response to this, I’ve been researching effective meal-prep techniques. Some helpful tips are; store different food stuffs separately. Rather than storing your rice, gravy and spinach as a meal in the same container, store each food in a separate container. This will help with the preservation and freshness of the food.

Also, give yourself options. Don’t be so hard on yourself that you suffocate under the rigidity of the same meal three nights a row. Prepare a few containers of the food you enjoy, paying particular attention to variety and compatibility.

For this week, I’ve outperformed all my previous attempts at meal-prep but still have tons to learn. Today, I had a vegetable soup in the morning, a banana at midday, and an energy bar in the afternoon.

– Lele M

Day Two

I spent a lot of today thinking about snacking sustainably.

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

The thing about me is, when I find something I like I hold on to it. Perhaps my taste buds are as simple as they are particular. It doesn’t take complexity to please me. I’m satisfied with cream cheese and carrot sticks, or cucumber and humus on rice cake. But also with a crisp granny-smith apple, or amakip-kip (coloured popcorn).

The thing that has always tripped me up is trying to moderate my snack-meal ratio because I prefer lighter meals overall. The line between ‘light meal’ and ‘snack’ tends to blur. I could probably find a way around this by incorporating my snack into a routine activity or time of day. Though I’m concerned about setting too many restrictions. For the most part, I’m just depending on God’s grace to see me through to day 90 with a bag of lessons in tow.

I’ll admit I didn’t eat much today. In my defense, it was a busy day. I had a roasted vegetable salad, a bar of dark chocolate and caramel popcorn.

PS: I think I may be falling in love with kombucha.

– Lele M

Day One

As I suspected, today was not too hectic.

In fact, as it relates to food, today was not dissimilar to yesterday or even the day before that. Nevertheless, I admit I have had to be more mindful of my eating habits. Particularly, my behaviour surrounding when and how I consume my meals.

I intend to begin a kind of ‘ritual’ around eating and preparing meals. I’m going to try to make my experience with food as meaningful as I can. For instance, I am going to begin serving myself my meals. Rather than simply grabbing my bowl of food off the counter before I saunter off to wherever I choose to eat. I will now prepare the place at which I will be eating – clearing any clutter, and setting my water or tea nearby. Then lay my cutlery, serviette, and bowl of food out on a tray before I serve my meal and sit down to pray.

I am convinced that this will not only make my mealtime more meaningful by making it enjoyable, it will inspire mindfulness as it engages more of my time, and attention. It may seem frivolous to some, but if there is even the slightest chance that adopting this delightfully romantic attitude will improve my presence of mind at mealtimes, I will take it.

Today I had an apple in the morning, a bowl of brown rice with vegetables at midday, and chakalaka in the afternoon. I am excited to see how innovative I can get with food, while maintaining a healthy and sustainable outlook. One down, 89 to go!

– Lele M

What even is a relationship with food?

I’ve wanted a healthier ‘relationship with food’ for a while. This is me finally doing something about it.

Firstly, I suppose a part of me is writing this as a means to keep myself accountable at every step of this journey – which bodes well, surely. As of today, I am setting out to live the next 90-days on a vegetarian diet. Honestly, I’m not expecting this to be too drastic a change as I don’t consume much meat as it is. Though I do have chicken or sausage at least once a month, which I hope to change over the next three months.

More than that, I hope to learn. I am challenging myself to engage meaningfully in changing my relationship and attitude towards food. I hope to do this by more than just paying attention to which food stuffs I ought to eliminate from my diet. I plan to meditate on the progress of my 90-day vegetarian journey in a brief daily blog entry. During this time, I expect to contemplate questions like; what is a relationship with food, how can an unhealthy one be repaired, what is the influence of poverty on the relationship that poor South Africans have with food?

This is the first entry of this series – an introduction. I’m going to set the tone of the blog series by keeping this entry brief. Here’s to changing unsustainable eating habits and cultivating a healthier attitude towards food!

– Lele M

In the Middle of the Garden

The story of ‘The Fall’ has always captivated me.

I have been contemplating Genesis 3:3 recently. Particularly, I’ve been reflecting on the prominent position of the tree of the forbidden fruit – the middle of the garden. In my view, the position it enjoyed suggests that Adam and Eve would have likely encountered this tree regularly, daily even.

This led me to consider the thing in my life which may be the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. The thing in my life which enjoys a prime position. The thing that tests me on my belief in God’s word and tempts me to lean on my own understanding? The thing which challenges my obedience and dependence on God? It would be my need to feel in control of my life.

I’ve been strong-willed for as long as I can remember. More than that, I have had experiences throughout my life which exposed me to the discomfort of vulnerability. The latter, I believe, most of us have in common. For me the result was an increased sensitivity to power relations and control, particularly in social settings and personal relationships.

In my life, disobedience to God often masquerades as perfectionism which comes from a belief in one’s ability to control outcomes. This moment is a case in point. I’m struggling to write because I continue to allow my perfectionism to immobilize me. I am passionate, thoughtful, creative, brimming with ideas and eager to shoot them out into the abyss. I’m also consumed by questions about the details – how, where, when, and what to present. Surprisingly, I don’t often consider the ‘why’. I shudder to think that may simply be because I am yet to establish my ‘why’. Though in all candor, I cannot dismiss the idea. What is my why?

Well, it’s complicated. I want to say that everything I do, I do for the glory of God. That is certainly my ongoing, foundational aspiration. But why am I at my desk on a weekday evening, unable to drum up the momentum to write a coherent piece while also feeling like what lies beyond this simple blog post could change my life completely? I’m having to fight my need to know the details. I’m having to trust that the words will come. I am having to trust God’s providence – his sovereignty. I’m learning that our obedience to God’s instruction is borne out of our faith in him.

Although in the past I craved the feeling of control, even its mere semblance. I had not appreciated the value of self-control. The notion of self-control is interesting because, as I see it, its the only control we can truly exercise. The only thing one can really control is oneself. It requires that you be able and willing to relinquish the illusion of control over those things which are beyond the scope of your control – beyond yourself. It is a practice of inner restraint and self-discipline.

I am constantly being reminded of how small I am in the greater scheme of time and space. It would be masochistic to expect of myself that I have control over the result and impact of a blog post, let alone the details of the course of my life. The cool thing about self-control is that, whether we know it or not, every moment is a test of self-control and, therefore an opportunity to exercise the muscle. Particularly, self-control is concerned with whether you can delay and moderate gratification. It influences your response to your daily alarms, your relationship with food, and how much you say about your weekend when your colleague asks on Monday morning. More than being the greatest expression of control, self-control is a fruit of the spirit.

I am doing this because it’s what I have to do. I know that because writing is what ignites my proverbial fire, but also what provokes my intimate fears and insecurities. This has made me all the more enamored by the oversufficiency of God’s grace. The challenge to wear my heart on my sleeve has revealed to me that I didn’t have a sleeve on which to wear my heart before I committed my life to God.

Walking with God has taught me that peace and self-control are closely related. I would not prefer to have the final say over everything I care about. Realistically, that’s simply too much pressure. I would rather concern myself with well, myself. I prefer to busy myself with maturing in my understanding, expression, and presentation of who I am and my contribution to the world. Perhaps that’s my ‘why’. I care about understanding my behaviour, along with the attitudes and beliefs by which it is informed.

– Lele M

Ready, set, bloom

‘If I ever forget you Jerusalem, may my right hand forget its skill. May my tongue cling to the roof of my mouth if I do not remember you, if I do not consider Jerusalem to be my highest joy.’
Psalm 137:5-6

I believe this post, indeed this blog, represents the beginning of an era for me in more ways than I can perceive in this moment. For as long as I can remember, it has been my desire to connect with the world through writing and art. It has taken me years of loss, loneliness, and growing pains to arrive at the point of surrender. And here I am.

Welcome to my corner of the internet! This site is the conduit for my thoughts, passions, and creativity. I share my musings about faith, law, politics, and philosophy. I write to provoke thoughts, incite discussions, and arouse imagination. I also explore my passions for art, food, and fashion.

My hope is that I can put something on this modest blog that makes you smile, piques your interest, or both.

– Lele M

Conversion to Conservatism

I believe in absolute truth.

I’m going to try to do this without a detailed exposition of my relationship with faith and politics throughout my childhood.

By the time I arrived at university I was quite certain that I was an atheist and my political home was on the left. Beyond reading foundational writings and studying academic debates on postmodernism, Marxism and related schools of thought, I’d personally bought and read ‘The God Delusion’ and ‘The Coming Revolution’ before I left high school. I was invested. I was convinced that I had evaluated the ideas available in the political philosophy marketplace and I had made my purchase. I was a ‘disillusioned’ teenager in a working class, Christian home, and I was won over by socialism and relativism.

Frankly, the left is seductive. The university space I entered was still writhing palpably from the #RhodesMustFall and #FeesMustFall movements of the previous years. The environment was lush with leftist philosophy and my eager mind was reeling with excitement. I was captivated by the world of ideas which seemed to have opened up around me almost overnight.

In the momentous wave of leftist rhetoric, I began to learn the terminology of critical theory, became familiar with Marxist-Leninism, and did so among a community of likeminded, zealous, young people with stories affirmingly similar to my own. It was as if I was finally discovering the truth about the world – pulling back the curtains of society and and finally seeing the ugly cogs of its machinery. I was learning the words and ideas which described and affirmed my econo-sociopolitical experience. I could finally articulate my disaffection with the way things were. I felt empowered.

Soon, critical race theory was the lens through which I saw the world. All my experiences (past, present, and especially future) were neatly explained by the notions of hegemonic power structures, systemic racism, and intersectionality. I was on the radical left; never missing an opportunity to expose ‘the establishment’, disrupt ‘white, heteronormative spaces’, and challenge the idea of objective truth in favour of relative truth and the paramountcy of individual experience.

It was not until years later that I came to see this attitude as defeatist – expecting and sometimes resigning myself to defeat against the pervasive and monolithic ideas of the establishment. I was painfully conscious of what I perceived as the facts of life which threatened my socioeconomic mobility – my ability to live my conception of the good and fulfilling life.

After years of commitment to ‘fighting the system’, I was exhausted. In hindsight, this was inevitable. I had allowed the postmodern worldview to consume me. I found myself feeling increasingly combative, unfulfilled, and searching for meaning to no avail. Though, importantly, I felt entitled to the pain of my past experiences and my anger with the way things were. I wanted growth and hope but would not relinquish my right to hostility in order to make room for it. I was tired and hopeless.

Then, enter the ancient of days. I will reserve the story of mine and God’s courtship for a later piece. For now, I will describe it as an enduring lesson in humility, healing, and humanity. Crucially, I was awakened to the reality of absolute truth. I did not come to believe that God exists, I came to know it to be true – the truth, not ‘my truth’. Immediately, I was forced to interrogate the ‘truths’ I had previously believed about myself, the world, and my place in it.

Obstinately, almost predictably, I contended with my newly changed heart and spirit to allow me to continue to hold radical political views. I attempted to reason that Christ’s teachings were radical, that his work (and indeed Christianity) was a social justice revolutionary effort. This is the deceptive, albeit attractive, line of reasoning argued by purported ‘progressive Christians’. It tries to lay claim to Christ while chasing the allure of radical leftist rhetoric in popular culture. However, I have since found that this view simply does not survive Biblical muster – a requirement I have adopted for all my beliefs.

The decision to trust the authority of scripture in the face of my obvious and inherent fallibility has been the bedrock of my current worldview. With time, I have had to yield to discovering the world anew in what has been an ongoing exercise of humility, healing and humanity. I have had to probe my prior convictions for concordance with the Bible and consequently, I found myself inching closer to the center of the spectrum of political ideology. This came as a mild shock to me given my obsessive devotion to the radical left. Every time I remember this striking change, I am reminded how small I really am and I am grateful for the grace to learn and grow in understanding.

This experience has revealed and continues to reveal a wealth of insight which I intend to explore and develop in my life’s work. I wake up each morning eager for the lessons that await me and excited to sharpen my discernment. But in the interest of keeping this entry brief, I submit my answer in the affirmative – Christianity has indeed made my views more conservative than they have been in the past. Though I am reluctant to assume a position because I hope to continue to evolve as I learn and mature, my views would probably be classed as moderate or liberal in many circles.

It is the details of ‘how’ or ‘why’ my views have changed which fascinate me most. Which views, if any, have survived the shift? How do I make sense of my experience as a vehement proponent of leftist ideology? Having been opposed to moderate-conservative views in the past, what do I understand now about society and governance that I previously did not? How would I respond now to my own previous critiques of centrist positions?

I’m interested in these questions not so much for the answers they may reveal, as for the further, more intriguing questions about political philosophy and human nature that they may uncover.

– Lele M