Between deadlines.
Safe space, right? I don’t know how I would survive without God’s grace.
How will I notice when I’m in the middle of generating an excuse?
I will be vigilant for the feeling of ‘okayness’ with possible loss or defeat.
Today I ate a bowl of oats and banana in the morning, and a chocolate in the evening.
– Lele M
Oh sugar!
I have a confession to make. I’ve been relatively preoccupied recently and I find myself skipping prayers before meals. My fuller thighs and waist are evidence enough. I repent, Lord. Save me from myself.
What fears do I have for sticking to an eating plan for life?
At the moment, none. But before I decided to begin this journey, I feared the feeling of an unfamiliar commitment. I was intimidated by what seemed like having to reorient my entire existence to accommodate this decision. Ultimately though, it was the desire for new, and indeed for more, which was more persuasive.
Today I ate a banana, and baked potatoes in the morning, and swiss roll in the afternoon.
– Lele M
I’m feeling uninspired.
I feel as though I’m lacking inspiration for meals. I don’t cook as often as I’d like to. This is proving to be a tricky state of affairs because I require lifestyle changes surrounding the kinds of healthy, tasty meals and meal preparation techniques which would work effectively with my routine.
Dear body, I love you because…
… you’re so strong and so human. You feel so much, and endure even more. You are resilient. You are beautiful, completely glorious in your imperfection. You are teachable, flexible, young, and playful. You’re my interface with the vast world around me, I experience this exciting life through you. I love you because you are my gift from God.
Today I ate a veggie burger meal at midday, and crisps in the evening.
– Lele M
A steady rhythm.
What brings me pleasure in mindful eating?
Mindful eating allows me to enjoy my experience of eating by keeping a presence of mind. I take pleasure in setting up my eating space, tray, and meal with care. I get to take in those precious moments of solitude in a gentle ritual.
Today I had a bowl of oats and banana in the morning, and a packet of crisps and a chocolate in the evening.
– Lele M
I’m rediscovering food. Love that for myself.
I’m learning every day that I don’t know what I don’t know. I don’t know the extent of the options I have on a vegetarian diet, which makes this all the more exciting! I’m enjoying finding replacements for my favourite flavours, aromas and textures and ensure that I am satisfied in my experience of food.
How do I show my physical body respect?
I love my body. I keep it clean. I handle and treat my body with gentle compassion. I am attentive to its needs and do all I can to see to them as soon as possible. I drink lots of water daily, breathe deeply and to fill my lungs, and keep my skin moisturized. I also stretch to connect with my body in mindful movement, and I adorn my body with clothes and accessories I like.
Today, I had a veggie burger, fries and vanilla milkshake at midday, and a banana and dark chocolate in the afternoon.
– Lele M
A sixth of the way through.
Here we are at the one-sixth mark of the 90-day challenge. I’m feeling especially grateful for having begun this effort. I couldn’t imagine being where I am today, let alone where I may be another 15 days from today. It has been a journey of grace in abundance – it has been God. Today, more than ever, I am all the more excited to see this commitment through.
Did I include foods I consider healthy, but I don’t enjoy?
Nope. I don’t typically eat food I do not enjoy. I think enjoyment of food, especially healthy foods, is vital and more easy to satisfy than people think. I suppose it helps that I really enjoy vegetables generally – particularly the green, leafy ones most people avoid.
Today I had a bowl of vegetable soup at midday, and dark chocolate in the afternoon.
– Lele M
Like clockwork.
I am enjoying the routine check-in with this journal. I’m grateful for the constant accountability, it’s a reprieve.
What food do I love that loves me back?
Hm, I know this is a good question because it seems simple but I don’t have an answer off the bat. I’m having to dig. As someone who has had an iron deficiency, I think spinach is a food I love that loves me back.
Today I had a hearty vegetable soup with idombolo in the morning. I then had roasted garden mix and naartjies in the evening.
– Lele M
Self-control. A fruit of the spirit.
“Self-control is a fruit of the spirit. Self-control is a fruit of the spirit,” was my determined refrain while I cooked a beef stew for a special somebody today. I kid. Unsurprisingly, I didn’t crave the meat, nor did I have an impulse to taste it. Meanwhile, I prepared it with love, care, and a measured hand.
What type of movement brings me the most joy?
Types of movement which bring me joy are hiking, stretching, dancing, and running.
My meals today were; idombolo and vegetable soup in the afternoon, and dark chocolate in the evening.
– Lele M
All protocol observed.
Today’s will be brief. Let’s get down to business.
Did I include food that I love and that makes me happy?
Yes. I do my best to include a variety of interesting taste combinations that I enjoy to my food options. I understand the value of using incentives to condition behaviour.
I had banana-oat muffins this morning, naartjies at midday, and vegetable soup in the afternoon.
– Lele M
How rigid is too rigid?
I’m wondering whether I will be able to discern if and when my need for control and mechanisms for structure begin to be extreme. Even with a busy schedule, I still find myself feeling guilty for struggling to adhere to meal times. My appetite does not always coincide with my routine and often results in my eating meals outside meal times. On the other hand, I understand that a refined routine can change the game. So I am invested in making this work. I will persist.
What was I taught about food as a child?
I don’t remember being explicitly taught about food as a child. Though I appreciate that a lot of learning in the home happens through subliminally and through modelling by older members of the household. This was certainly the case with me.
Like many who grew up in working class homes, I learned that food is scarce. I will not always have it to eat. I also learned that the heavily stuffed feeling and bulging belly that came with overeating were not only an accepted standard for ‘fullness’. They were also indicators of the ideal mealtime experience. I learned that food could make me feel better, it could comfort me.
These are unhealthy beliefs about food. They have been instrumental in shaping my relationship with food well into my adulthood. It is these beliefs which I hope to shake out, confront, and dispel over this time.
Today, I had an egg and mayonnaise salad on bread in the morning, and banana-oat muffins in the afternoon.
– Lele M
Lele Muthali 